A Legacy of Love (Adrian)

"A new command I give you: 
Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

When I first heard about the news, apart from a few practical things, THE thing that immediately came to my mind is, "Oh, "SH?T" what have I done".

• Not that I have done anything wrong. If you are a Christian, you will understand what I mean. 
• I am going to face God on my own. Do you have any idea what this means? Chapters of my life kept flashing back at me, things that I have done in the past.
• "Am I ready?" I talked to myself. 
• Perhaps, the question I am really searching was, "How do I know I am ready?"

•  On one hand, I knew my God is a good father and salvation is by grace and not by doing.
• However, I don't want to face Him in shame,  How could I go empty hand? What am I going to bring to Him? Have I live a life worthy of His calling? Will He call me a loyal and faithful servant?
• Many things I have done in the past but what are the things that matter and of value? Did I build on sand or on solid ground?
• Have I fought the good fight?

I quickly realised most things in life don't matter any more, 

• what does it matter if you drive a better car? have a better career than the others?
• none of the material things, none of the social status in the world and even in church matters, 
• I could not take any of these away.

Nevertheless, I believe there are a few things that matter and of eternal values.

• My memories
• My relationship with Father God and 
• My relationship with other people, 
• Practically the time that I have invested on others' souls. 
• These are the things of eternal values and they will stay forever.

For many years, I teach a concept of "Sheep-herding" in our congregation.

• it means,  
• as an individual we are a "sheep"
• together we are a "herd". 
• we may not all be a pastor by employment, but we all have pastoral duties over another soul. 
• our lives are interlocking with one another and 
• the base of all foundations is "Love", without love there is simply no base for anything.
• the true meaning of our lives is based on how much we have "invested on other people's lives".

In the past 2 months, 

• I have the privilege of meeting with many people, reading many messages, cards and emails.
• Each one reminded me the blessed time that we have journeyed.  
• I thank God for all the opportunities that He has given me. 
• I thank God for all the divine appointments that He has granted me with the others
• I wouldn't trade these for anything. 
• These are the memories that I am going to take away when the time comes.

Prayer List No. 3 - Be Strong and Courageous - 19/07/2017 (Christine)

Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all Israel, “Be strong and courageous, for you must go with this people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors to give them.....The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Target Treatment - God's target to send Healing for our church?

• For Adrian - Target Treatment had been the best plan that God had given to him.  He had been taking the drugs for a week already.  Please pray that it will be effective to control the cancerous cells and will minimal side effects.
• For our church -  Since the IDMC journey started, God's people are beginning to open their hearts for God to search deeper within.  Many are ready and willing to repent before God.   Please pray for God's healing process to reach out to everyone who are willing to come before Him.

Bone Scan - Foundation Investigation in SOC Basement - God's Searching into all of our hearts?

• For Adrian - He will receive a Bone Scan this coming Friday (21st July). The aim is to find out whether the cancer had spreader to other bones.  Please pray for God's protection of all his bones, especially for the cancer NOT to spread to his spine.
• For our church  - Structural foundation investigation in the SOC basement will start on 24th July.   The pastors and leaders had sensed that God is also searching into our hearts to scan all the impurities.  Please pray for God's protection for the whole church enters a spiritual battle.

YES for our family it is not only a battle against cancer, but also a spiritual battle.....

I will say this again and again - Thank you for all your love and prayer support - we treasure all  of you to walk alongside this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for us.

I will never stop worshipping and giving praise to our Father almighty!

In Jesus Name I will claim my family belongs to God alone!

And 'The Lord will never leave us or forsake us!'

Assisted Wheets (Adrian)

Eph 3:20 - Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
 

Trusting something is hard, Trusting Someone is extremely hard

Often we are like a little girl so afraid of letting go, forever riding her bike with assisted wheels. This has become the only way she know how to ride a bike...

Even when God is bringing the little girl to a new adventure, a new park or even upgrading her with a new bike..... 

Every time, the little girl will repeat the same routine, take out a pair of assisted wheels from her bag and attached to the new bike.....  (this becomes the only way she know how to cope with the and any situation. To her, there seems no other way,  the only way that she can feel safe.......)

Therefore, not only she never fully enjoy the scenary and adventure that God has brought her to.  She rides in constant fear.

There is a fear inside keep calling out to her, "you are going to fall, you are going to fall..... it's not safe, it's not safe........",

When the girl finished the journey, her soul cries out, "thank you "assisted wheels" for keeping me safe." 

Although noticing Father God is always by her side, she never learned to draw comfort from Him.

Our God is so gentle, He repects our choice and let us continue being in this position but He loves to show us so much more.... There is another way and there is a better way.

• Only if you let Him......... 
• Only if you let go of your ways....
• Only if you are willing to give Him a chance to show you that He is safe and He is not just anyone or someone but "THE ONE" that you can trust..........

When we ONLY looking at what you have, not only you will find yourself constantly living in fear,  you are forever living in the past of what you could achieve. You never exceed your full potential.......

But when you you keep your eyes on Father God, He is abundant in nature and able to accomplish so much more that what we can image, He loves to show you the "so much more" (only if you let Him).

• I can look into my illness and let fear paralyse my motion Or 
• I can look to Father God and ask, "show me your adventure cause I know you are the Father of so much more......"
•  
•  

P.S. 
"Assisted Wheels" is our coping mechanism
"Copying Mechanism" always come with a price to pay.

My Motto (Adrian)

Romans 12:3
Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.

I preferred the Chinese translation "看自己得合乎中道"

Now I am going to tell you my trade secret (my motto)

7 years ago, God gave me an impossible task to start the English Speaking Service in our Church. I was a long serving kids and youth leader. We need to start an English Speaking Service because the youths were growing into university age or else we will lose the entire generation.

It was an impossible task. we worked with almost no resource and I had no experience. There were only 6 people in the core team. In the first 3 years, we changed the time plus venue of the service 3 times.  Maintaining the weekly running of the youth group and the English Service was a constant struggle. Attendance were low and were very unstable. 

While I begged to God for more resources. God said me, "I have to work with the people that I have and the day that you learned how to disciple them from scratch, you will know how to shepherd a church."

This is not very encouraging, is it......

It was an understatment to say that the journey was hard. The journey brought me to my knees constantly crying out to Him, Father please show me a way......

There were times, I felt so inadequate, giving up is easy but feeling of letting so many people down drove me to a depressed state, watching my co-workers suffering with me was unbearable.

I know what I am capable to do but I also know full well of my limitations. 

Graudally, things do get better.... My Father is a good Father, brick by brick, layer of mortar after layer, things were begun to take shape.

But how could I take pride in what I are doing without being prideful and not envy over other people for what I don't have..... continually serving out of a spirit of humility (看得合乎中道) and yet take joy in what God has given was an inner battle. 

One day God speak to me through a picture of a "normal staircase". Within a split second, a light bulb moment.........

I pray to the Father and this is what I said.

"May my life be one of the step in the staircase, 
May my ceiling be a stepping stone for people to step on so they can progress to the next step.
May every soul that have stepped over me be my pride and joy.
Father, I will humbly serve you and take pride being a step."

Since the day, this has been the motto of my serve.



P.S. The test for the target treatment has come out positive, this means good news.
I will start my target treatment tomorrow, it is in tablet form and I do not have to endure  chemo, the side effect will be much less and if my body reacts well, it can be effective. (not to the point of eradicating the cancer but containing)
 

 




 

Prayer List no. 2 (Christine)

2 Corinthians 12

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

1. Today we have an appointment with the oncologist consultant - hopefully the plan for treatment will be unfolded.  Please pray for God's intervention and provisions for new treatments such as Immunotherapy and Target Treatment.  These are far more effective than chemo.  
2. After the 5 days radiotherapy treatment, Adrian feels tired and weak.  Please pray for his recovery.
3. We thank God for giving us extra measures of grace  - for the numerous practical and prayer support that we received in the past 2 weeks.  Special thanks to Lore & Bernard, Christina & Ernest, Katherine Chan, Josiah's family for supports in the home front.  In fact we are so grateful for ALL of you for your prayers, your tears and words of encouragement - ALL your visits and messages are precious to us.   YES His Grace is sufficient for us!
4. Our church is entering in a healing and revival mode - the IDMC journey is beginning to take shape.  This is a journey of faith, love and hope in Christ.  Lets all join our hearts to pray....

Posture (Adrian)

1 Peter 5:6-7
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and anxieties to God, for he cares about you.

Over a year ago, a sister felt prompted to give me the above verse.
For some reason, this verse really resonates with me and has been staying in my mind even till now. 

We often worry about the "outcomes", but little that we know it is our "posture" that matters the most.

To me, this verse helps me to set my posture and in many ways this is all I need to know and focus.

• A posture that helps me to engage in any and all situations. 
• A posture that constantly reminds me of my position and who God is
• A posture that keep my pridefulness at bay 
• A posture to trust that He is in control
• A posture to wait for his goodness patiently
• A posture to cast all my worries to Him and I don't have to deal with all these myself
• A posture to show that He cares

I may be facing a storm but this has been the posture that I am engaging in many and this situation.

A posture that reminds me. I do not need to know the outcomes, all I need to know is having the right posture to engage. 

Three New Friends (Adrian)

Today is a funny day, the last day of my Radiotherahy. Christine and I drove to the car park in Royal Free Hospital, there are a few designated parking spaces for radiotheraphy patients. An old man stood behind his car, I reconized him from yesterday's treatment but we didn't speak.

I got out of my car and introduced myself to him, instead of exchanging our job title and fields that we worked like in a business meeting, we exchanged our diagnosis and treatment. He is a man in his late 70s suffering from prostate cancer. 

His introduction is rather interesting, he said, "I am Michael. I have prostate cancer, I started my treatment yesterday. I had a son who committed suicide. I knew I am going to meet him again. "  He introduced this as his profile.

I asked him do you have faith, Michael said, "I am a Christian". I then offered to pray for him. I prayed for him in the car park for peace and hope.

After my treatment, I came out from the clinic, I saw Michael with 2 other old men also in their 70s sitting on the bench chatting. I went up to them and say hi and bye because today is my last treatment, Same thing, we exchanged our diagnosis, prostate cancer, prostate cancer, prostate cancer, lung cancer plus the number of treatments required.... within 10 seconds, we understood each others and that's all we need to know.

Same, I asked them do you have faith. Michael said yes, the man in the middle said yes and the last one laughted at me. I offered my sincere best wishes to them then leave with a smile.

Michael understands 2 most impostant things in life, who/(where) he really is and he knew he will meet his son again in eternity.

1 John 5:13 - I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life. 

Pray for Greater Things (Adrian)

John 14:12
Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, 

While I appeciate many brothers and sisters praying for me and particular my healing. I want to urge you to pray for greater things....

When I said this incident is not about me, it is about all of us (including you reading this), God has a word for you and for the church in this moment. 

I urge you to search deep and listen to the Father in your soul, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you what is the Father saying to you now, what is the one thing He want to heal or bless you about? What is the one thing that He want to heal and bless the church about?

We all need healing and Our church desperately need healing.

A sister shared with me after reading my blog, she said, " You are in the storm, but the storm is not in you".

Brother and sister, we have something inside greater than the storm that we are facing. 

Search deep, Our Father is in your soul waiting for you. He is our anchor of life.

Our Father in Heaven is a good good Father, He is waiting for you.

Prayer List no. 1 (01/07/2017) (Christine)

1. 5 days of radiotherapy from 29/06 - 04/07 - please pray for effectiveness to treat and control the pain and damage in the bone where cancer had already started to attack the spine.  
2. Appointment with Oncologist on Friday 07/07 -  by then we would be getting more information regarding the treatment plan.  As we are awaiting for the result of genetic match for target treatments, which is a treatment less invasive than Chemo.  There is also a new and effective treatment called 'Immunatheraphy' which maybe available to patience with advanced cancer.  Please pray that God will open door to these new treatments.
3. As Adrian mentioned in his posts - it is not about him and the focus is not on his healing alone - it is about our church community journeying together seeking God's love and grace. May His will be done! 
4. We are thankful to God for giving our family with so much love, care and support from our dear brothers and sisters.  

Phillipians 1:12-26

'Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel.... 

Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.....'

I will never cease to worship YOU (Christine)

I had never felt so fearful in my life.....
However God had granted me a special peace in my heart....

'You are my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear?
You are my hiding place and You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.....'

The same week of Adrian's diagnosis of cancer, I only just started my role as volunteer pastoral worker at church; my beloved music teacher shared also the bad news of his wife being in a coma;  there was a fire near our church community that took 80 lives; hatred drove a car into a Muslim community - I asked God : 'how can these happened?'

As my teacher 'waged war in their prayers against fear and doubts, fought their fight of faith, their troubled soul held onto the hope on our Saviour Jesus Christ, and pressed the essence of their being into worship of our Good Father even in their darkest moment...a global church family rose in prayer an faith alongside their family.....'  His wife woke up after 72 hours!  AND I WAS ENCOURAGED BY THE HOLY SPIRIT.

YES God confirmed to me through a Psalm written by the director of music -
'I will declare Your name to my people in the assembly I will praise You!
For He has not despised or scorned the suffering of the affected one;
He has not hidden His face from him, but has listened to his cry for help.
From you comes the Theme of my praise in the great assembly!'

YES Lord Your Name is Powerful - You have claimed victory over anything that is not good.
And I will never cease to worship and praise You!

My beloved church community please join our hearts together to worship and pray for healing and revival in our church and our city!

Mind is a Strange Thing (Adrian)

1 John 4:8 - Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Mind is a strange thing, a mind can contain and process a lot of thoughts and information. But our mind is usually pre-occupied by a few things at a time.

As a man with a peanut brain my mind is usually pre-occupied with one thought at a time.

If you mind is filled with anger and bitterness, there is little room for anything else. Your actions and your spirit will be filled with anger

If you mind is filled with pain, that's all you can think about, you see the world in the lens of pain.



Likewise, when my mind is filled with so much love and grace, there is little room for other things.

This is all I am feeling right at the moment. All the souls that I have journey with and people that are dear in my heart.

Truly appreciated the loves and care that I have been receiving from so many.
Who am I to deserve all these.  

My Soul cries out, Father you are so good to me.

Ground Breaking at Work (Adrian)

John 10:27-28 - My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. 

I have been working at the same company for 17 years. 
While I have always get on well with most of my colleagues, my regret is finding it difficult to witness my faith in a corporate setting. Nevertheless, most of my colleagues know I am a Christian.

Last Friday, I went up to my colleagues one by one, breaking the news to them
 
My main line of conversation: 'I was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, but I intended to carry on working and support you for as long as I am able.'

My colleagues were amazed by my calmness and how strong I am.  Most of them were quite emotional when they heard of the news.

I thank God for giving me opportunity to reach out to them at a deeper level.
I prayed that God will give me more time to witness Him among my colleagues. How a Christian with eternal hope face the possibility of death.

I treasure every moment and the people at work, I begin to see work differently.

It is Worth It! (Adrian)

John 10:18 - No one can take my life from me. I sacrifice it voluntarily. 


My Daniel has always been the quiet one in the family.  I said to him, "Can you promise me one thing, can you promise me that you will tell me exactly how you feel."

I asked him , "how do you feel now?"

Daniel said, "I am scared"

I said, "I am scared too because I don't know what is going to come"

I said, "I am your dad and you know me, if you examine my life, do you feel that I do not have hope in this situation?"

Daniel look at me and shook his head....he know I have hope....

I said, "my hope can only come from 2 places, by my own strength or from God. You know I have nothing that I can generate hope by myself, so if I still have hope, the hope must come from God himself"

I said, "You must ask Father God to show you the hope that my dad has so that I can have the same hope as well."

After dinner, Daniel said without prompting, "I am alright now"

If you are a father, you will understand how I feel, my heart cried out, if this little suffering can help Daniel to come closer to Christ, it is worth it."

I then looked upon Jesus -  At the cross He suffered with so much pain; but His heart must feel with so much love.  His heart also cried out "It's well worth it"

It is not about me (Adrian)

Psalm 115:1 - Not to us, O LORD, not to us, But to Your name give glory Because of Your lovingkindness, because of Your truth.


Although my serving role in church puts me at a position to be constantly in the public eyes, I am not good at dealing with the attention,  especially in this incidence.

Last Sunday, I broke the news to the NSC English congregation and I had been praying for the whole week whether I should do this or not.

On one hand, I don't know how to deal with the attention, but on the other hand I really do like to share with everyone in person.  My calling has always been to the people whom I serve, and the last thing I want is do is to shut them away.  I was torn...

Apart from praying "May His will be done", I asked God to guard my words and my action.

It's not about me... may everything that my family goes through to be used to point people to God..

It's not about me.... It's not just about healing.....it is about God's grace and love for me...

It's not about me..... it's about a journey of faith for the church community as a whole...

I know there is a greater purpose in this. God is speaking to us all....

May His Will be Done (Adrian)

Matthew 6:9-10
‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  


In the past few weeks
The focus of our prayer has been on "May His will be done"
God's will must come first and above all things.

A sister later emailed me a quote from Tim Keller, it summed up how we feel about the situaton. Tim Keller said, "If we know everything that God's know, we would have asked for everything that God gives."

Only we can know, we would have gladly taken on everything that He has offered to us and nothing less.

I know that God has not forsaken me...
I know that God has been blessing me through many many areas, my workplace, my serving role and my family.  Even the timing to break this news is timely. God had already  prepared me for this journey.. I have no doubt God is in control.

The only conclusion that I can come up with is that God allows this to happen for a reason and there is a purpose behind all these.

My heart cried out, "may His will be done."

First Day at the Hospital (Adrian)

John 14:27 - Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.



On the first day in hospital for CT scan and biopsy, I saw the respiratory consultant on my own. In the back of my mind, I already suspected what it was but I didn't want to alarm Christine unnecessarily. Therefore, I went alone.

The consultant reviewed my CT Scan result to me and he said, "I am going to be honest with you, it is not looking good. I am going to see if I can arrange a biopsy for you today. He then rushed out from the clinic and came back 5 mins later saying that there is a slot for you today but you need to take a blood test first."  He was ever so kind and gentle. 

I was ever so calm when I heard the news, may be deep down I already know what this is.

I then arranged to go back in the same afternoon to do a biopsy, meanwhile, the lung nurse has seen me and she prescribed some pain killers for me.

I took the prescription to the hospital pharmacy, handed in my form and waited for the prescription. 

I paced up and down the corridor and my immediate thinking was what is going to happen to my family, my wife and the 2 boys, how are they going to cope without me ? Will they be alright ? How am I going to break the news to them?
Daniel was still doing his A-level. His exam is going to finish in a week's time, I should wait until he finished with his exam before I tell him.

Alone in the hospital corridor, I began to search deep in my soul.  there was no anger and bitterness.
Apart from thinking of my family and people that I loved. I wish I can have more time with them.

I thought about God and my journey
How am I going to face God.
I wish I could have more time to finish well.
My soul cries out," God have mercy on me"

I missed the people that I serve with and their lives I had invested in. There are more things that needed to be done.....

Diagnosis (Adrian)

Ess 3:1 - For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 

I have been experiencing some back pain since May 2017
At first I thought it was muscular pain but later on suspected that it is something a bit more serious.


I then had a chest X Ray. 
The X Ray reviewed a shadow in my left upper lung.
Thereafter a CT Scan confirmed a mass in the area. 
The pain was caused by another mass which had eroded part of my 9th rib.
There was also signs showing that it had started to attack my spine.
 
A biopsy was then taken.
Since it has already spread to the rib hence, it was confirmed as Stage IV lung cancer.


Treatment

Between 28th June and 4th July, I will receive 5 radiation to help my pain and hopefully contained the cancer to some extent.

I am booked for an appointment on 7th July,  for which after my cancer gene was analysed, to confirm the type of treatment I will receive.